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"Helping families, children and adolescents
grow well."
Family Vacations
From "The Heart of Parenting" column
by Emory Luce Baldwin, LCMFT
July 2009 Issue
Emory is now using a new format for "The Heart of Parenting" and will be responding to reader's questions. If you would like to
submit a question for her, you can e-mail her at Emory@emorylucebaldwin.com.
Dear Emory:
In a few weeks, we'll be going on vacation-and I still haven't recovered from last year's vacation trip! Everyone started off so excited, but then it all went downhill. The kids were whiny and complaining much of the time, and my partner and I had a hard time without becoming whiny and complaining, too! This year, our kids are another year older (they are now 7 and 10) so maybe it can go better.
Do you have any suggestions for how we can try to make our vacation fun for everyone?
Apprehensive on Aspen
Dear Apprehensive:
I understand what you are talking about-vacations can be stressful for everyone. New sleeping and eating routines, long hours of traveling confined in
car-seats and plane seats, and all wrapped up with 24/7 togetherness time. It is a potent combination that can lead to lasting memories of family fun and
good times, or disappointing memories of family squabbles and friction.
I appreciate that you are thinking about what went wrong last year, and that you would like to take a different approach this year to make it better.
I'm glad you are starting early, because I think planning and preparation is the key to a successful family vacation. Of course, you have already been
making plans and preparations-but, have you included the kids in the process? Too many times, vacations aren't fun because they are out of balance.
It might be all work for the adults and all fun for the kids, which leads to parent fatigue and resentment. Or it might be all about what the adults
think is fun, and dragging the kids along trying to make them happy, too. Good planning and preparation before you even begin your vacation can help
everyone strike a balance between responsibility and fun.
Parents generally decide where to go and what style you will be traveling in. But children can contribute to planning many of the details.
Everyone has an opinion about what "fun" means to them, and bringing all of those ideas into the mix at the beginning is a great start to a vacation.
Now that your children are 7 and 10, they are at a good age to help out with this. For instance, you might ask them about what they think they would
like to bring along to be comfortable and entertained when you are in the air or on the road. Not just for their own entertainment, but also, what
games do they think it would be fun to play together or what books would be great to listen to together?
Most families today have very busy schedules, and don't spend much extended time together. Family vacations are a great opportunity to discover how your
family can relax and have fun with each other-even if this is a whole new experience for your family! Tossing in a book with song lyrics for car or
campsite sing-a-longs can be fun, and books with riddles or brain teasers may also be entertaining for the whole family to share.
I'm also a big fan of the disappearing art of storytelling. Most adults can recall the gist of at least a few fairy tales or ghost stories, and can
re-tell them to their children. Remember that stories told by parents to their children don't have to be original works of fiction-even the most tired
old story sounds fresh and interesting when a parent tells it. You will also get extra points for sound effects and dramatic interpretation! Both
children and teens also love to hear stories about when you, or other family members, were goofy little kids.
Another part of vacation planning is the work that still has to be done. Even if you are going to a fancy-shmancy resort, there are still basic
tasks such as keeping track of baggage, choosing the restaurant that fits your family budget, map reading, and scheduling. What part of these
responsibilities would your child be interested in sharing? Even young children like to have their "own job," to do, although sometimes the
adults have to be the backup.
The point is that giving kids a say in the planning and a share in the responsibilities increases the odds of family cooperation and courtesy.
We all know that even the best planned vacations can sometimes go off the rails. In that case, calling a family meeting to talk about the
problem and what ideas everyone has to solve it can restore the sense of family partnership. Every single person in the family can make a
contribution to family harmony, or contribute to family discord. Putting the problem "on the table," so to speak, can be a good way to invite
everyone to work together to restore good will.
Emory Luce Baldwin, LCMFT, is both a Family Therapist and a Certified Parent Educator with the Parent Encouragement Program
(PEP).
This summer, she is giving 3 popular talks at PEP, on "Setting Limits With Extra Challenging Children," "Helping Anxious Children,"
and "Motivating Children to Do Their Best."
Her family therapy private practice helps families with children and adolescents grow well.
You can contact Emory at 301-588-1451 or e-mail her at
emory@emorylucebaldwin.com.
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